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its been awhile, old friend..... [01 Jan 2014|11:15pm]
I haven't posted here in over two years. Life has taken a complete 180 since I last posted. Had the absolutely shittiest month of my life recently (all of December and a bit before). My grandpa brown had a heart attack and got heart surgury, a few days later kase and I broke up. He couldn't trust me, no matter what I did to try to prove to him that I loved him, he always assumed we would end like this. He projected it so much, that he let himself cause it. It still hurts, but less and less. After that, my car broke down, after that my phone broke, after that, was my bday which I spent drunkenly crying, after that I got strep thoat, after that I made a complete drunken ass of myself around kase trying to get him back, after that....... Eric died.

I have so much chaos in my life and no consistent. But with Eric's death, I have a new view on life. One that only Eric has ever had the gift of giving me, only this time.... It took him passing to make me remember what's truly important. Nothing else really matters in the absolute least.

Found out kase already started sleeping with other people (which I have not) and I honestly..... I wasn't suprised. Four years means nothing. All that matters is moving forward and becoming happy again. I don't want to be jaded forever. I will continue my search for happiness and stability.
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. [06 Apr 2010|01:45pm]
we talked last night. i feel so much better about so many things.
everything is getting good.
i had the worst day ever yesterday.
spent over six hours drawing something up with the threat of my day off being a working day,
and then the guy wanted to change everything around.

so many other reasons it sucked, but i dont care anymore.
kascen made it all better.
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<3day [31 Jan 2010|01:46am]
I HAVE A VALENTINE!!! which is weird cause i honestly havent wanted one in awhile.
i havent had one since seventh grade! i've had boyfriends during that time of the year, but every one of them bailed, or didnt even say happy vday.

but this boy....
oh man, this boy.

he asked me tonight,
he wants to do something special.

last night when i was with him, he got a little upset
"when do i actually get to see you outside of a bar, and during the day?"
super cute......
felt bad, but he knows whats going on in my life
and where i'm sitting,
and why i'm not around too often.

i think thats what makes it work so well so far.

suuuuuper smitten!


cant stop eating today btw.
cant wait to see him.
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lol [27 Sep 2009|02:26pm]
lovin life.

girls night last night was epic.
ran into adam!

i'll post a few pictures when i get a chance.
dont know when that'll be.

tuesday....
first day at the shop.
<3
so nervous.



also, last night, "i got a quackin for ya"
i meant to say question....
haha.
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today [18 Apr 2009|03:26am]
woke up at 7 am.
layed in bed trying to get every extra second of sleep possible
got up, threw on some clothing
did my hair in the best way for not washing it.
went to wake up cheyanne
drove to tacoma
talked and joked all the way there
dropped her off at her home
coffee
work meeting 9am, nervous
went generally well, its over
talked with justin alone
went generally very well.
went to half priced books, got two books
call from justin about what we talked about
SMILE, EXCITEMENT, GIDDY
texted with carl, lasting throughout the day
went to bank, gas station
sat in the parking lot smoking cig's.
got a call from steve
-apology's
-talked of drama
-explainations
-laughs
-friends
but i've still decided to chill from the chuck for a bit
coffee #2
work
extremely excitedly happy
going well, till i lost the caffine
day is dragging on
sophia came in FINALLY, i love her
work work work
LUNCH <3
walking out, get 5 texts at once
call lyra back, semi unsure how to feel, but know its no big thang.
CHeyanne visits me at work!
cigs, coffee, text's
back to work
GIANT energy drink
customer from hell doesnt want to tell me his foot size
work work work
time to leave....
but then a rush happens and i HAVE to stay late
get off work, finally, 9pm
cant find keys, pull out spare
keys are in my ignition, left my car semi-on
battery dead, no cigs left
bum two cigs, get car jumped
drive to shari's to meet with kain
coffee #3, plus fries
talk talk talk talk talk talk <3 miss it.
sparkle team go!
see vern, blake and the others
decide to leave, thanks for the food and drink and conversation kain-face <3
drive
get pulled over
head lights completely out
cant find registration
she lets me go, no worries
get home.
sleepy, 3am
goodnight.
4 comments|post comment

[19 Jun 2008|08:11pm]
i JUST finished an amazing painting....
i'm sooooo stoked.

you have no idea.
photo soon.

like....minutes from now maybe.
1 comment|post comment

schooooooool [08 Aug 2007|04:54pm]
i'm done with d-bott...
as i have been for a little over a month.

but he wont stop callin me now.
what the hell?

he's not a bad person,
but i just cant have him in my life right now.

----------
one more day of school........
please dont let me fuck up.....
2 comments|post comment

thank god. [08 Jul 2007|07:48pm]
so something really cool is happening right now.
its building, and i hope it doesnt break.

i'm gonna let him know that theres someone else
some one great.

this weekend/week has been insanity, yet completely and utterly amazing.

i met the coolest guy last week....
and he met me.
now we meet up with eachother
and chill at beaches and talk.

or go to gay bars, lol.

went out to seattle with Leon, Erin, Carl and Will last night.
i had SO MUCH fun.
specially when we all fell asleep on the ferry
and had to be woken up by the crew...
and we were the last ones on it.

<3
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just in case.... [18 Jun 2007|04:58pm]
if you havent given me your address and you want to go to my final senior art show
or even just want a postcard...

SEND ME YOUR GODDAMN ADDRESS!!!!

i only got 100 of em, so gimme your address!!


so far i have-
Joe
Leah
Teresa and Wes
Leah
Ashley and Adam
Jenny D
Sharron and Jeremy
Adam Tandy
Muchael
and Steph


it wont force you to go, so why dont you spend 3 seconds writing me a message.

Also, if you sent me your address on myspace...i cant find it.
please try again, now.....

<3
7 comments|post comment

heeerrrree [02 May 2007|02:26pm]
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
2 comments|post comment

whatever [30 Apr 2007|06:31pm]
went to school today a half hour late.
learned more today in one class than i ever did in that class with troy.
but not cause he's a bad teacher.
just cause i payed attention and took hella notes.
makes me proud.
now i'm hella ready for school.

YEAH!!!

went and chilled with megz, ali and brooke last weekend.
we had an amazing time.
i really love those girls.
really really really.

yeeeeah.

cant wait to chill again!!!

art show on friday, everyone HAS to go if you can.
derby skate date on friday night 11:30pm to 1:30am
18+
i have tickets, 7 bucks a piece or pay at the door.
its gonna be RAD.
COME WITH ME!!!!
2 comments|post comment

this morning [05 Apr 2007|12:35pm]
i woke up at like 6:30 and had to force myself back to sleep.
it was rediculous.

i still felt like shit this morning.
in class, i felt even worse, then i took some dayquil.
its the first time i've ever had it.
and it made me sooooo out of it.
i'm still kinda outa it.

but then nathine gave me a back massage
and after that....i felt sooooo much better.
my head stopped hurting as much and i didnt feel totally out of it.
i wasnt falling asleep anymore.

its so weird.

----
i may be talking to you again.
i dont know.
i'm trying really hard this time.
and youre not making it easy.
----
i have a crush on you.
we'll see what happens.
2 comments|post comment

<3 [28 Mar 2007|04:16pm]
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
1 comment|post comment

loooove [22 Sep 2006|04:54pm]
i love my family. they make me laugh.

<3
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nadines work [09 Jan 2006|11:54pm]
Nadine Hammad
January 10, 2005
Philosophy/ AM class
Essay 1: Get into your car slowly

I have learned to enjoy traffic lights and just can’t wait for the next traffic jam. Actually, I can. Get into my car slowly, eh? Take time to feel the resistance of the heavy Mercedes door. Smile as I hear the creak of the door opening. Listen, Listen. This wonderful sound of my Mercedes opening. God I’m glad I can get into my car through the driver side door. YES! While slowly inching myself into the seat I feel the leather seat compact to hold my fat ass. I cheated here- quickly adjusting my seat because I can’t stand uncomfortable folds. I’m trying my hardest not to think- the more I try not to think the more I think. I’m a pretty rebellious person. I sit in the car and slowly snail my hands towards the ignition. Once the key is in the ignition I start the car and immediately get back on track. I’m all about inner piece but I really want to meditate on a cigarette while I cruise down highway 305. Inner piece is smoking a delicious cigarette. Wow, inner piece is really on my mind right now. Or is it cigarettes? Anyways, I found the reading to be very uplifting. This monk seems to be pretty happy with life. He even likes doing the dishes! But he’s probably not a college student so he can take the time to indulge in some kitchen chores. I’d love to kick it with this guy, if I was really high on some hallucinogen. Otherwise he’d probably just piss me off. Someday I hope to be able to learn to take time with things like he claims in his book when I get older. Once I graduate college I really want to be able to make the small moments last because supposedly it’s all downhill from twenty-five. I think I’m going to go eat some ramen noodles. That is definitely something I can see myself being able to focus on. I’ll turn the TV off- not like I have cable.
2 comments|post comment

today is my sad day [10 Oct 2005|02:13am]
its the day where i get to be sad all i want, with my friends of course.

i've cried, i've laughed, i've had in depth talks, and i've just chilled more intensly than i ever have before. i'm so happy with today.

eric, erynn and hannah are my saviors. i love you guys.

seriously.

i've needed this and you guys have helped me a lot.

love you kids


btw, thanks aaron kain and pete you helped too
2 comments|post comment

once again [03 Sep 2005|05:53am]
i'm making another post about how my lj is friends only.

yeah....i know occassionally theres a post or 2...or 3 that are public. but they are usually from my drunk friends trying to make me look like an ass or stupid. i keep them....due to them be memories, and memories only. haha.

so if you wanna be my friend, comment here....i'm not saying i will notice for awhile, seeing as i usually dont check these posts often. but also add me to your friends, i usually will see that and figure out who you are and add you back.if i dont know you, just gimme a good reason, such as, you think i'm pretty(haha), you just think i look cool(haha) or anything else. btw, if you love art as much as i do, thats an automatic friends add.


thats is all.
2 comments|post comment

thank god [28 Jul 2005|02:08am]
adam helped me with a lot of my homework

now all i have to worry about is the test and getting up and to school ON TIME

otherwise



i fail
3 comments|post comment

[03 May 2005|06:48pm]
8 comments|post comment

[22 Apr 2005|06:54pm]
gee i suppose i shouldnt leave my livejournal logged on while i leave or i may say stuff like paul is the coolest person in the world!
6 comments|post comment

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